Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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