Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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