are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
