Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
