I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
