Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
