I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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