I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
