Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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