Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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