You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Success! We fucked roommates!
God I need to hump something, right now.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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