Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
