well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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