I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
