I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
