What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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