Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
