...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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