How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
our cab driver is having phone sex.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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