hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
