PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
