i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
