I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
