yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
