worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My bed smells like the plague
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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