I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
