I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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