i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
