apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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