i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
