i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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