So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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