Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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