The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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