Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
