I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize