Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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