I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize