the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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