dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
