Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize