I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
