I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
