So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
