Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
