not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
