So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
