He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
