So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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