Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
