You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
