JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
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