I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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