I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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