where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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