i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
