Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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