it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
