Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize