we have officially lost it.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just gargled with NyQuil
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
