so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
