I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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