is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
