I think my vagina is haunted
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
it's like iHOP with fire
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
