My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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