So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
