your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
