Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
