Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
