Ambien. No doubt about it.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
