On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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