Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
3 2 1 whiskey
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
