I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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