Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He did a backflip because drugs
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
