oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We're not piercing ourselves today.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
