Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
