I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
So many bounce houses so little time
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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