i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
