There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
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