and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize