i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
