I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
