I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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