My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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