Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
