dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
What a dumb baby whore.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
