It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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