I think i peed on brittanys purse
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize