He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
