butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
