Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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