its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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