READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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