Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
