is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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