I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
